Second Annual End-of-the-Year Awards!

Also, I love Vegas

In My YOLO Era

Hi guys! A few days early!

So I’m currently watching the HBO series The Penguin and it’s amazing. Phenomenal acting, writing, suspense but wildly dark and disturbing. There’s one young man on the show who has a little stammer when he speaks to strangers or is stressed in any way. Whenever his stammering starts, you can see him retreat inside himself. He’s embarrassed and just wants to make himself as small as possible. The main character notices this and orders him to stop. He tells the young man to “take up space.”

I loved this dialogue so much. It’s something I feel like I need to tell myself. A few months ago, I mentioned a beautiful line by my classmate: “I insist on my existence.” I loved the line but resonated more with its opposite: I apologize for my existence. I always fear I take up too much energy, too much effort, too much space. I try to minimize my wants and needs, and by extension—my life, so I don’t burden my loved ones.

For my big birthday weekend this year, I had several family and friends celebrate with me in Vegas. It was absolutely magical, and the polar opposite of my usual inclination to keep my life small. To not ask for too much from people. To expect even less. I know people have big celebrations like this all the time for their bachelor/bachelorette parties and birthdays etc but I felt like it was asking too much of people. Like I didn’t deserve it. I had, and still have, a bit of imposter syndrome—sometimes I feel like an imposter in my own life.

As we made plans for Vegas (I’d never been and really wanted to go), I kept trying to back out of it. And I fought it mentally until the weekend came. I thought it was too much, that I was just too much. But my insecurities were rendered moot because all of my loved ones were more than willing to fly across the country, come to a city they’d long outgrown and celebrate my existence. Their presence affirmed that I did deserve this, and deserved the space I take up. I was worth the effort and deserved the effort, at least for that unforgettable, epic weekend.

I want to believe I’m forever changed and no longer feel like an eternal waste of space but that’s a bit too optimistic. But hey, it’s definitely a step in the right direction!! My goal for 2025 is to take up more space in this world, and I want this goal for you too.

End-of-the-Year Awards

Best TV show: Shrinking (heartwarming) and The Penguin (heartbreaking)

Best Movie: Laapataa Ladies (Netflix)

Best Song: So Long London by Taylor Swift

Best Album: GNX by Kendrick Lamar

Best Book(s):

• Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar

• James by Percival Everett

• Small Things Like These by Claire Keegan

• Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler

• Educated by Tara Westover

Best podcast: AP Taylor Swift - they just did an episode relating TS songs to characters in the Harry Potter books (not movies) 🤓

Person of the Year: Kamala Harris - oof, it still hurts but she led one incredible campaign in such a short amount of time

• Meme of the year following the election (female rage 🫣)

Favorite social media follow: Jared McCain 💔

Best cookie: Brown Butter Chocolate Chip from Whole Foods (an Anand discovery)

Best Espresso Martini: this random Italian restaurant at The Venetian in Las Vegas

Best moment: reading my writing aloud for the first time in front of an audience at grad school in Virginia 🫣

Best purchase: nude liquid lipstick from Anastasia in the color Hudson (Sephora)

Best gift: a mini black backpack from lululemon for the back of my chair as a back-to-school gift 💝

Quote of year:

Okay, see ya in a month and happy new year!!

Always bet on 13 😉

Yours,

Harshada